I May be in Left Field but I am Still in the Game!
Lenore Wolke of Wayne, New Jersey says when a mother is raising her children, "it is like she is a softball coach. She runs the game and makes sure they get to all the bases they have to and they get there safely." Then their sons get married and the mother gets positioned in the outfield. "The son is at bat, his wife is on first base, his job is at second base and his wife's family is on third base... Mothers of sons are out in "left field" waiting for the ball to come their way."
Grace Thatcher of Yorba Linda, California follows the five good mother-in-law rules:
1. Let go. Don't interfere in the couple's decisions.
2. Be independent. Have interests that don't include your children.
3. Be flexible. There is more than one way to make potato salad.
4. Cultivate a cordial relationship with the other parents.
5. Claim your boundaries. Avoid family conflicts unrelated to you. Don't give money you don't have and don't babysit when you don't want to.
Can a mother-in-law be positively involved and initiating without being intrusive? I have been pondering my "left field" role now for quite a while. Although it does seem to be extremely tricky and sometimes my best option is to simply remain quiet at a distance, I do believe there are a few things I can do that are appreciated.
1. Take a gentle pulse on every family member when we are together for the purpose of prayer and encouragement.
2. Give gifts of affirmation of character. I keep a list of character qualities close by to remind me what to be watching for:
Love: meeting the needs of others sacrificially
Joy: exuberance that overflows when we are at peace with God
Peace: tranquility that comes from confidence in God
Patience: willingness to allow time to grow
Kindness: outworking of love
Goodness: holiness that is unconsciously at work
Faithfulness: loyal commitment
Gentleness: showing tender consideration for the feelings of another
Self-Control: ability to direct energies wisely
Calmness: inner peace allowing a quiet response to a stressful situation without fear
Courage: strength to resist opposition, danger or hardship without giving up hope
Gratefulness: sincere appreciation for anything received from others
Persistence: tenacity to persist in a course or goal until it is finished or achieved
3. Support endeavors with presence and resources - enthusiastically.
4. Respect the need to "process" and don't rush in with counsel without being asked, but be prepared with something wise just in case an opportunity arises.
5. Creatively offer "fun" opportunities without conditions or expectations.
So even though I've been assigned a place in the outfield where I sometimes feel out of the action, I can still play my position with grace and once in a while, God willing, a ball may still come my way!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
I've been thinking about waiting...
You Cannot Process Past Where You Are
To process something is to submit to a natural phenomenon marked by gradual changes that lead toward a particular result. Processing things that have happened to me means I put action on hold for the purpose of waiting on God for His perspectives. Processing and the need for it makes sense to me but waiting on God for often imperceptible degrees of change in thinking is a challenge.
Have you noticed that God does not work according to our time frames? Waiting requires patience. Waiting rooms, waiting lists, waiting games. Waiting is a part of life. Waiting feels like treading water, marching in place, feeling chained to wearisome or monotonous routines that eventually reveal cracks in our core character.
"One method of waiting means patience, hope, contentment, assurance that God will redeem His promises and make the heart strong; the other method of waiting is fretfulness, impatience, distrust, and complaining - and that kind of waiting wears out the soul." - Joseph Parker
They key to allowing a healthy process to unfold in my life is waiting while remaining expectant about the process itself, remaining hopeful of a favorable change or outcome, remaining in readiness to move out when the next step in the process appears. This kind of waiting does not wear out my soul but profits my soul.
Oh, guard my soul and deliver me!
Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.
Psalm 25:20-21
O Lord, help me to wait expectantly and to submit to the process you have ordained for me to follow in understanding the events of my life. Encourage me with the knowledge that as long as I remain faithfully focused on You, you will make the necessary changes in my processing to allow me to reach the full potential of profit for my soul. You alone supply the insight I need, Lord. I will wait on You. Amen.
To process something is to submit to a natural phenomenon marked by gradual changes that lead toward a particular result. Processing things that have happened to me means I put action on hold for the purpose of waiting on God for His perspectives. Processing and the need for it makes sense to me but waiting on God for often imperceptible degrees of change in thinking is a challenge.
Have you noticed that God does not work according to our time frames? Waiting requires patience. Waiting rooms, waiting lists, waiting games. Waiting is a part of life. Waiting feels like treading water, marching in place, feeling chained to wearisome or monotonous routines that eventually reveal cracks in our core character.
"One method of waiting means patience, hope, contentment, assurance that God will redeem His promises and make the heart strong; the other method of waiting is fretfulness, impatience, distrust, and complaining - and that kind of waiting wears out the soul." - Joseph Parker
They key to allowing a healthy process to unfold in my life is waiting while remaining expectant about the process itself, remaining hopeful of a favorable change or outcome, remaining in readiness to move out when the next step in the process appears. This kind of waiting does not wear out my soul but profits my soul.
Oh, guard my soul and deliver me!
Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.
Psalm 25:20-21
O Lord, help me to wait expectantly and to submit to the process you have ordained for me to follow in understanding the events of my life. Encourage me with the knowledge that as long as I remain faithfully focused on You, you will make the necessary changes in my processing to allow me to reach the full potential of profit for my soul. You alone supply the insight I need, Lord. I will wait on You. Amen.
Monday, March 9, 2009
I've been thinking about FEAR...
A Storm of Fear
The opposite of life isn't death. The opposite of life is fear.
FEAR - that noxious stimulant that attacks our naked emotional nerve endings. That painful agitation in the presence of danger that sometimes attacks quietly by tucking itself away in the deepest corners of our hearts or attacks violently and openly, causing an extremely dramatic "storm of fear" smack dab in the messy middle of our lives.
One individual described a "storm of fear" this way:
The sun, moon and stars run away to hide. The world becomes dark and threatening. The wind whips crazily and the sky begins to fall. The earth moves off its axis and the laws of gravity cease to function. Wild erratic thoughts reach up like supercharged vines climbing for sunshine that cannot be found.
What am I to do with this kind of fear? Do I let it propel me toward a path of discouragement and depression? Many have chosen to dwell in depression's dark wood and they have known its inexplicable agony.
When William Styron, author of Darkness Visible and a survivor of deep depression, chose to return from the abyss, he described it as not unlike the ascent of the poet, trudging upward and upward out of hell's black depths and at last emerging into "the shining world."
We, as Christians, are empowered by the Spirit of God to choose the right path - a peaceful path where we are restored to serenity and joy by a loving, patient, ever-present God.
The opposite of life isn't death. The opposite of life is fear.
FEAR - that noxious stimulant that attacks our naked emotional nerve endings. That painful agitation in the presence of danger that sometimes attacks quietly by tucking itself away in the deepest corners of our hearts or attacks violently and openly, causing an extremely dramatic "storm of fear" smack dab in the messy middle of our lives.
One individual described a "storm of fear" this way:
The sun, moon and stars run away to hide. The world becomes dark and threatening. The wind whips crazily and the sky begins to fall. The earth moves off its axis and the laws of gravity cease to function. Wild erratic thoughts reach up like supercharged vines climbing for sunshine that cannot be found.
What am I to do with this kind of fear? Do I let it propel me toward a path of discouragement and depression? Many have chosen to dwell in depression's dark wood and they have known its inexplicable agony.
In the middle of the journey of our life
I found myself in a dark wood,
For I had lost the right path.
When William Styron, author of Darkness Visible and a survivor of deep depression, chose to return from the abyss, he described it as not unlike the ascent of the poet, trudging upward and upward out of hell's black depths and at last emerging into "the shining world."
We, as Christians, are empowered by the Spirit of God to choose the right path - a peaceful path where we are restored to serenity and joy by a loving, patient, ever-present God.
And so we came forth, and once again beheld the stars.
- Dante
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