Marriage: An Interdevelopmental Partnership
Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett, married in 1846
Frank Butler and Annie Oakley, married in 1882
Pierre and Marie Curie, married in 1895
George Burns and Gracie Allen, married in 1926
Billy and Ruth Bell Graham, married in 1943
Why are these names familiar? They represent couples whose names are linked together forever because they experienced a special kind of relationship - an interdevelopmental partnership. This is a relationship in which both partners bring out the best in each other by encouraging personal development and growth.
One famous couple, Pierre and Marie Curie, worked together for the benefit of humanity. As an industrious student, Marie caught the eye of Pierre Curie, director of one of the laboratories at the Sorbonne in Paris, France. In 1898 they discovered polonium and radium and, then, in 1903, along with scientist Henri Becquerel, they won the Nobel Prize in Physics for discovering radioactivity.
An interdevelopmental partnership demonstrates that along with supporting and bringing out the best in each other, there are many opportunities to lay down our lives for each other, as well.
The roles we each play in a partnership shift according to the need. Cindy White, a brilliant entertainment designer, said this about partners, "A great partner lets you soar without drifting away. Sometimes they are the wind that's hoisting you up. Sometimes they are the ones on the ground, holding the kite string."
A great example of this is found in the comedy team of George Burns and Gracie Allen. When they started their partnership, Burns wrote all of the funny punch lines for himself and wrote Allen's character as the "straight man." When they performed, however, the audience rewarded Allen with laughter for her supposed straight questions and responded to Burns' funny answers with silence.
Individual egos can really mess up a great partnership and this was a true test of George's ego. As Burns put it, "It broke my heart, but I was young, hungry and not a dope." From then on, he wrote routines to take advantage of Allen's natural gift for comedic delivery. This was the beginning of over four decades of fame and success for Burns and Allen. In later years, both attributed their success to each other.
It is important to note that we each have the ability to choose how we will be in an interdevelopmental relationship. Am I willing, when necessary, to encourage my partner to evolve their possibilities?
What does this look like in the DelHousaye home? "Darryl, becoming the president of Phoenix Seminary is exactly what you should do!" "Jacque, if Holly works for you, she will make you great!"
Then, alternately, when necessary, am I willing to lay down my life for the good of my partner?
What does this scenario look like in the DelHousaye home? "Let's tackle that challenge together!" "Go ahead and accept that opportunity. I will be waiting for you when you come home."
During the course of our marriage, we can provide what great partners have always provided for each other - encouragement and sacrifice bathed in love and friendship. As Jesus said in John 15:13, "Greater love has no one more than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."
Because friendship is at the heart of a good creative partnership, the whole is much greater and stronger than the individual parts. Together we are better!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I've been thinking about pressure...
Not Under Compulsion
Compulsion - the state of being compelled
Compelled - to drive or urge forcefully or irresistibly; to cause to do or occur by overwhelming pressure
Have you noticed that compelling someone to do something does not work very well? What is our natural reaction to pressure? To dig in our heels, of course. So why do we persist in trying to motivate others this way?
I know, by personal experience, that if I act in the pressure of the moment, I may later regret my action. Regret kills - murders the effect - of any satisfaction I might find in doing what I thought was right or good to do in the first place.
2 Corinthians 9:6&7 provides an interesting look into motivation when it says, The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has made up his mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.
Here are some related words to the "not under compulsion" idea:
not of grief
not regretting his gift, as if it were wrung from him (!)
not sorrowfully
not with sadness
not by constraint
The Apostle Paul, who wrote these words, never employed high-pressure methods in raising church funds. In his first letter to Corinth he asked that monies be given systematically, on a regular weekly basis, specifically so that there would be no pressure to collect an offering when he arrived.
I think we can safely launch from this idea into determining that pressure that produces action motivated by all the wrong reasons is certainly at the very least, demotivating and most often unproductive and useless.
In contrast, Jesus wisely used attraction to motivate people He came in contact with all throughout His ministry on this earth. He taught the value of becoming "fishers of men" to His disciples as a metaphor for successfully drawing individuals to the truth.
Fishermen use lures as an enticement to catch fish. Lures hint of pleasure and gain. What is the best way to gain the attention of someone? Show genuine interest in them and their well-being.
It takes more time to be patient to understand a person and what motivates them than it does to beat them into submission through exerting pressure. I know I brighten when someone understands what makes me tick and then delights my fancy by showing me a better way. How about you?
Compulsion - the state of being compelled
Compelled - to drive or urge forcefully or irresistibly; to cause to do or occur by overwhelming pressure
Have you noticed that compelling someone to do something does not work very well? What is our natural reaction to pressure? To dig in our heels, of course. So why do we persist in trying to motivate others this way?
I know, by personal experience, that if I act in the pressure of the moment, I may later regret my action. Regret kills - murders the effect - of any satisfaction I might find in doing what I thought was right or good to do in the first place.
2 Corinthians 9:6&7 provides an interesting look into motivation when it says, The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has made up his mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.
Here are some related words to the "not under compulsion" idea:
not of grief
not regretting his gift, as if it were wrung from him (!)
not sorrowfully
not with sadness
not by constraint
The Apostle Paul, who wrote these words, never employed high-pressure methods in raising church funds. In his first letter to Corinth he asked that monies be given systematically, on a regular weekly basis, specifically so that there would be no pressure to collect an offering when he arrived.
I think we can safely launch from this idea into determining that pressure that produces action motivated by all the wrong reasons is certainly at the very least, demotivating and most often unproductive and useless.
In contrast, Jesus wisely used attraction to motivate people He came in contact with all throughout His ministry on this earth. He taught the value of becoming "fishers of men" to His disciples as a metaphor for successfully drawing individuals to the truth.
Fishermen use lures as an enticement to catch fish. Lures hint of pleasure and gain. What is the best way to gain the attention of someone? Show genuine interest in them and their well-being.
It takes more time to be patient to understand a person and what motivates them than it does to beat them into submission through exerting pressure. I know I brighten when someone understands what makes me tick and then delights my fancy by showing me a better way. How about you?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I've been thinking about light...
POKING HOLES IN THE DARKNESS
A disciple of Christ is instructed in the Bible to allow his or her light to shine through good works. And, we are told, a lifestyle filled with the light of good works brings glory to God.
Jesus says in Matthew 5:14-16, You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
God uses our good works, made visible in and through our lives, to show the world what He is like. The word for good is kala which can be translated lofty actions, fine deeds, upright works. The shared meaning of all of these words? Attractive, beautiful, shining displays that draw attention to God and His excellent character.
In Psalm 103 we see the perfections of God's character revealed. Verse 6 - the Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. Verse 8 - the Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Verse 10 - He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. Verse 13 - as a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him.
A story is told of Robert Lewis Stevenson, who spent much of his childhood in poor health. One night his nurse found him at his bedroom window, mesmerized by a lamplighter slowly working his way through the black night. Always concerned for his health, she fussed, "Child, come away from there. You'll catch your death of cold." However, young Robert would not leave the window. Pointing, he exclaimed, "See; look there; there's a man poking holes in the darkness."
Watchers are mesmerized as they see the beautiful character of God revealed through the light of our actions:
- a torch flame burning over the needs of the downtrodden,
- a bright burst of patience when toes are being stepped on,
- a candlelight display of undeserved gracious forgiveness,
- a flash of a lighthouse beacon illuminating sacrificial service,
these things poke holes in the darkness of our world - a world begging for SOMEONE to shed some light.
Poking holes in the darkness isn't easy - dare I say, This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine?
A disciple of Christ is instructed in the Bible to allow his or her light to shine through good works. And, we are told, a lifestyle filled with the light of good works brings glory to God.
Jesus says in Matthew 5:14-16, You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
God uses our good works, made visible in and through our lives, to show the world what He is like. The word for good is kala which can be translated lofty actions, fine deeds, upright works. The shared meaning of all of these words? Attractive, beautiful, shining displays that draw attention to God and His excellent character.
In Psalm 103 we see the perfections of God's character revealed. Verse 6 - the Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. Verse 8 - the Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Verse 10 - He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. Verse 13 - as a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him.
A story is told of Robert Lewis Stevenson, who spent much of his childhood in poor health. One night his nurse found him at his bedroom window, mesmerized by a lamplighter slowly working his way through the black night. Always concerned for his health, she fussed, "Child, come away from there. You'll catch your death of cold." However, young Robert would not leave the window. Pointing, he exclaimed, "See; look there; there's a man poking holes in the darkness."
Watchers are mesmerized as they see the beautiful character of God revealed through the light of our actions:
- a torch flame burning over the needs of the downtrodden,
- a bright burst of patience when toes are being stepped on,
- a candlelight display of undeserved gracious forgiveness,
- a flash of a lighthouse beacon illuminating sacrificial service,
these things poke holes in the darkness of our world - a world begging for SOMEONE to shed some light.
Poking holes in the darkness isn't easy - dare I say, This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine?
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