PARDON MY TONE!
A friend e-mailed a helpful article to me about resolving breaches in relationships. The writer of the article confessed that during a confrontation, a colleague was unable to display empathy toward him because of the tone he was using.
How interesting that the writer took full responsibility for his offensive tone over defending the strength of his position. The article went on to say that intuitive perception is a person's reality no matter if it is true or false and whatever is perceived dictates the response.
When the perception is negative - meaning if a person perceives an indifferent or dishonoring tone - it is nearly impossible for that person to overlook the offense long enough to embrace the logic of the position.
This situation then becomes an issue of what I value more - my position or the relationship. This is a good time to ask myself, is this a hill to die on? If I choose to value the relationship, then I have work to do to repair the breach. The writer of the article goes on to say that humility is the pathway to resolving a relational breach of this kind.
Recently I found myself taking issue with two individuals I care about. With the first, I chose wisely - meaning I was able to focus on honoring the person and achieving a good outcome. The happy result was a preserved relationship. But with the second, I chose poorly - meaning my passion overwhelmed me and my tone blocked out what I was attempting to say. The unhappy result was a breach in the relationship.
When a relationship suffers a breach - and over time most all will - then I must do deeds of repentance to repair it. Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom (James 3:13 ESV).
Deeds of repentance are actions that express humble, regretful sorrow for an offense. In my case, my offensive tone did not reflect value for the person or the relationship. Therefore, I could, in good conscience, admit that the perception was my responsibility and that it represented a sin against the person involved.
Wonderfully, God knows we are dust and His Word provides an excellent way to repair breaches. It is called making amends! To make amends means to put something right. In this case, I made amends by extending a sincere apology with a request for gracious forgiveness. My amends made it possible for the relationship to be restored.
It is a happy day when a breach is repaired, when a rough patch is smoothed and when fellowship is restored with a person I highly value!
Humility begins to repair,
Amends clear offending debris,
Forgiveness heals a relational breach
Between my friend and me!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
I've been thinking about progress...
LEAD, FOLLOW OR GET OUT OF THE WAY!
In a meeting recently I heard someone say, "Lead, follow or get out of the way!" This is a pithy statement that seems familiar but requires a little follow up research. BTW - in one thread I followed, this statement was attributed to Yoda (!) then Jesus and finally Thomas Paine.
Thomas Paine was an English born American writer, theorist and activist who lived from 1737 until 1809. He was one of the great fiery voices of the American Revolution. In 1776, he published his pamphlet Common Sense, a brilliant statement of the colonist's cause.
Paine was known for stating ideas clearly and concisely. His opinions and personality aroused strong feelings in those around him. Thus, it is no wonder that his quote stayed with me long after the meeting was over.
To LEAD means to guide by going in advance.
A leader is anyone who has two characteristics: first, he is going somewhere; second, he is able to persuade other people to go with him.
Sometimes God calls me to be a good leader. When that happens, my role is to be faithful and focused on what pleases Him. The more I remain focused, the wider the circle of influence. When God places a holy zeal inside me to please Him, others who are like-minded are drawn to follow my leadership like a magnet.
To FOLLOW means to to proceed after.
Before following a leader it is wise to see if he is headed in the right direction.
Sometimes God calls me to be a good follower. When that happens, I set aside my own agenda and take up the agenda of my leader. If my leader desires to please Jesus Christ, who is the Perfect Leader, we are united in our efforts and much can be accomplished.
Jesus is the Perfect Leader because He understands the journey described in Matthew 7:13&14, For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.
To GET OUT OF THE WAY means to stop blocking passage.
A good leader inspires men to have confidence in him; a great leader inspires them to have confidence in themselves.
Sometimes God calls me to get out of the way. Sometimes He wants me to actively promote those who are following me. When this happens, I recognize "fresh legs" are needed to take a task or project to the next level.
I recently discovered I needed to get out of the way of the SoulWork curriculum. God was asking me to inspire younger women by placing confidence in them. These younger women will create opportunities for more women to experience SoulWork - opportunities I was blocking by remaining in place. When I realized what was happening, I created something new - authorized SoulWork facilitators.
In the account of King Jehoshaphat's reign over Judah in 2 Chronicles 17, the king purposefully sent officials out to strengthen his kingdom spiritually and militarily. He sent them where he could not go to teach his subjects about faith in God and loyalty to the ways of David. Verse 9 says, And they taught in Judah, having the Book of the Law of the Lord with them. They went about through all the cities of Judah and taught among the people.
It seems to me that the way to reach a greater population is like a dance - sometimes I lead, sometimes I follow, sometimes I get out of the way. O Lord, in Your grace and mercy, guide me in what I need to do. Do You want me to step up - step back - or step away?
In a meeting recently I heard someone say, "Lead, follow or get out of the way!" This is a pithy statement that seems familiar but requires a little follow up research. BTW - in one thread I followed, this statement was attributed to Yoda (!) then Jesus and finally Thomas Paine.
Thomas Paine was an English born American writer, theorist and activist who lived from 1737 until 1809. He was one of the great fiery voices of the American Revolution. In 1776, he published his pamphlet Common Sense, a brilliant statement of the colonist's cause.
Paine was known for stating ideas clearly and concisely. His opinions and personality aroused strong feelings in those around him. Thus, it is no wonder that his quote stayed with me long after the meeting was over.
To LEAD means to guide by going in advance.
A leader is anyone who has two characteristics: first, he is going somewhere; second, he is able to persuade other people to go with him.
Sometimes God calls me to be a good leader. When that happens, my role is to be faithful and focused on what pleases Him. The more I remain focused, the wider the circle of influence. When God places a holy zeal inside me to please Him, others who are like-minded are drawn to follow my leadership like a magnet.
To FOLLOW means to to proceed after.
Before following a leader it is wise to see if he is headed in the right direction.
Sometimes God calls me to be a good follower. When that happens, I set aside my own agenda and take up the agenda of my leader. If my leader desires to please Jesus Christ, who is the Perfect Leader, we are united in our efforts and much can be accomplished.
Jesus is the Perfect Leader because He understands the journey described in Matthew 7:13&14, For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.
To GET OUT OF THE WAY means to stop blocking passage.
A good leader inspires men to have confidence in him; a great leader inspires them to have confidence in themselves.
Sometimes God calls me to get out of the way. Sometimes He wants me to actively promote those who are following me. When this happens, I recognize "fresh legs" are needed to take a task or project to the next level.
I recently discovered I needed to get out of the way of the SoulWork curriculum. God was asking me to inspire younger women by placing confidence in them. These younger women will create opportunities for more women to experience SoulWork - opportunities I was blocking by remaining in place. When I realized what was happening, I created something new - authorized SoulWork facilitators.
In the account of King Jehoshaphat's reign over Judah in 2 Chronicles 17, the king purposefully sent officials out to strengthen his kingdom spiritually and militarily. He sent them where he could not go to teach his subjects about faith in God and loyalty to the ways of David. Verse 9 says, And they taught in Judah, having the Book of the Law of the Lord with them. They went about through all the cities of Judah and taught among the people.
It seems to me that the way to reach a greater population is like a dance - sometimes I lead, sometimes I follow, sometimes I get out of the way. O Lord, in Your grace and mercy, guide me in what I need to do. Do You want me to step up - step back - or step away?
Monday, October 17, 2011
I've been thinking about achievement...
A GOLDEN BOY, A GOLDEN CUP AND TWO GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES
Steve Jobs truly was a golden boy - the greatest business executive of our era. He built a company that thrived because his products were completely innovative in nature, successfully combining artistry and technology.
Steve Jobs was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October 2003 and was told he had only months to live. Later, through further investigation, it was revealed that he had a rare form of the disease that could be controlled. Jobs eventually underwent surgery, recovered and returned. (Here, we notice that God granted him a gracious extension on his life.) During another medical leave in 2009, he received a liver transplant. (Again, God granted another brief extension.) He took a final medical leave in 2011 and this time it became permanent with his resignation as CEO on August 24.
With his recent passing, much has been written about his oscillating career of ups and downs. I just finished reading an article in TIME by Lev Grossman and Harry McCracken entitled, The Inventor of the Future (October 17, 2011).
In it, Jobs, who said little about his health issues, addressed them briefly in a commencement speech he gave at Stanford in 2005. "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life," he said. "Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noises of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." (page 44)
By following his heart and intuition, Steve Jobs rightfully earned a place in history alongside the greatest American inventors of all time, Thomas Edison and Henry Ford. What one trait contributed most to his success?
The one trait that was most evident in Jobs was his intensity. TIME says, "This intensity encouraged a binary view of the world. ...something was either "the best thing ever" or it totally sucked." (page 34) "...Jobs' insistence on a simple, integrated approach led to astonishing products marked by delightful user experiences." (page 35)
I love the idea of following my heart and intuition - my heart is the place from which my desires spring forth - my intuition is what feels right for me to do in the moment. I believe my desires are carefully placed in my heart by God (Psalm 37:4) to give me direction and my intuition guides me step by step. However, what messes me up is that my intensity to follow His direction waxes and wanes.
What place does intensity have in my life? By intensity I mean to give force or emphasis to something. Am I staying the course? Am I remaining firm under pressure? Am I choosing to intentionally focus? Am I persistent in following through?
With all of his intensity, Steve Jobs at 56 years of age still could not beat a death sentence. Even a golden boy with two golden opportunities - two evident life extensions - could not escape the loosening of the bond of body and spirit.
Scripture says that each of us is going to his eternal home, and the mourners go about the streets (to remind us that life is short and we must chose carefully how we will live our lives) - before the silver cord is snapped, or the golden bowl is broken, ...and the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:5-7). A golden boy, a golden bowl, a life with two golden opportunities to chose wisely that eventually ends.
The book of Ecclesiastes closes with a memorable benediction - one that I can lean into with great personal intensity, Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man (Ecclesiastes 12:13).
Just like after a storm when the clouds are swept away, Lord, give me a searingly bright vision of what matters most in this life. Keep me seeking after You with relentless intensity. Remind me that my greatest reward - my most "golden" achievement - is being the grateful recipient of Your pleasure when my spirit returns to You. Everything else is secondary.
Steve Jobs truly was a golden boy - the greatest business executive of our era. He built a company that thrived because his products were completely innovative in nature, successfully combining artistry and technology.
Steve Jobs was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October 2003 and was told he had only months to live. Later, through further investigation, it was revealed that he had a rare form of the disease that could be controlled. Jobs eventually underwent surgery, recovered and returned. (Here, we notice that God granted him a gracious extension on his life.) During another medical leave in 2009, he received a liver transplant. (Again, God granted another brief extension.) He took a final medical leave in 2011 and this time it became permanent with his resignation as CEO on August 24.
With his recent passing, much has been written about his oscillating career of ups and downs. I just finished reading an article in TIME by Lev Grossman and Harry McCracken entitled, The Inventor of the Future (October 17, 2011).
In it, Jobs, who said little about his health issues, addressed them briefly in a commencement speech he gave at Stanford in 2005. "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life," he said. "Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noises of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." (page 44)
By following his heart and intuition, Steve Jobs rightfully earned a place in history alongside the greatest American inventors of all time, Thomas Edison and Henry Ford. What one trait contributed most to his success?
The one trait that was most evident in Jobs was his intensity. TIME says, "This intensity encouraged a binary view of the world. ...something was either "the best thing ever" or it totally sucked." (page 34) "...Jobs' insistence on a simple, integrated approach led to astonishing products marked by delightful user experiences." (page 35)
I love the idea of following my heart and intuition - my heart is the place from which my desires spring forth - my intuition is what feels right for me to do in the moment. I believe my desires are carefully placed in my heart by God (Psalm 37:4) to give me direction and my intuition guides me step by step. However, what messes me up is that my intensity to follow His direction waxes and wanes.
What place does intensity have in my life? By intensity I mean to give force or emphasis to something. Am I staying the course? Am I remaining firm under pressure? Am I choosing to intentionally focus? Am I persistent in following through?
With all of his intensity, Steve Jobs at 56 years of age still could not beat a death sentence. Even a golden boy with two golden opportunities - two evident life extensions - could not escape the loosening of the bond of body and spirit.
Scripture says that each of us is going to his eternal home, and the mourners go about the streets (to remind us that life is short and we must chose carefully how we will live our lives) - before the silver cord is snapped, or the golden bowl is broken, ...and the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:5-7). A golden boy, a golden bowl, a life with two golden opportunities to chose wisely that eventually ends.
The book of Ecclesiastes closes with a memorable benediction - one that I can lean into with great personal intensity, Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man (Ecclesiastes 12:13).
Just like after a storm when the clouds are swept away, Lord, give me a searingly bright vision of what matters most in this life. Keep me seeking after You with relentless intensity. Remind me that my greatest reward - my most "golden" achievement - is being the grateful recipient of Your pleasure when my spirit returns to You. Everything else is secondary.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)