I've been thinking about relationships...

"Moving On"

I admit to reading People magazine once in a while because I succumb to the blaring headlines. Recently, one particular issue caught my attention. The cover featured the "Revenge of the Exes - Who's Happy? Who Can't Let Go?" with flattering pictures of Reese, Jessica and Bridget, three beautiful women who have experienced public celebrity break-ups.

The article inside, "THE EX WARS" asked this newsworthy question. "Who's still hurting, and who's moved on?" The phrase "moved on" or "moving on" is contantly used in these types of articles to reflect the admiration of our society for the partner who is portrayed as the stronger more resilient person. At the other end of the spectrum, we are to pity the weak, vulnerable partner who just can't seem to "move on" or stop grieving. What do you personally think about "moving on"?

Is "moving on" the most important aspect of a healthy perspective? Is it a godly perspective?
While I understand that in some situations, the person left behind must process the loss and make their quality of life a priority, I wonder if "moving on" works. It seems to me that there is plenty of emotional residue that can't be swept under the rug by simply "moving on."

Of course, these thoughts stimulated a discussion with my husband who seems to have an opinion about everything! His contribution? Be the rejectee not the rejector. What he means is that we have a responsibility as Christians to keep our relationships clean. The cleanest kind of relationship keeps the responsibility on the stronger partner to love with unconditional love as much as possible, as long as possible. The stronger actually absorbs the rejection and "moves on" only when Jesus provides an antidote for the pain and guilt - a liberal shower of His unconditional LOVE that is finally embraced by an individual as the only real Truth that matters.

I've been thinking about caring...

The Light Touch

A long time ago I read a thought about how to love that has affected the way that I care about people. The concept was that love does not dominate, it cultivates. The word "cultivates" resonates with me because as a farmer's daughter, my job was to tend the strawberry crop produced by our immense garden. On a side note, I am blessed with a view from our Santa Cruz condo that includes stawberry fields. It is a marvel to watch the preparation of the soil, the peeking up of the plants as they mature, and the intense amount of work involved in hand-picking the stawberries. Because they are so delicate, they cannot be left too long in the fields. I can personally attest to the fact that cultivating stawberries is definitely a labor of love.

Picking and preparing stawberries also requires a gentle touch. Too much pressure and zap you have stawberry jam! And so stawberries have taught me the concept of "the light touch" in caring for others. This "light touch" is about exerting a minimum amount of pressure on others by gliding over their lives with emotional sensitivity and responsiveness.

Here are a few examples of what I am talking about:

Becoming a balcony person to those I love
Storing up wisdom for the moment it is asked for
Remembering holidays, birthdays, significant dates
Choosing gifts that unify - I buy several of the same items for this purpose
Sending humorous cards that make that special someone laugh out loud
Providing small luxuries that bless and restore
Listening for the purpose of understanding
Obeying Holy Spirit leadings in timing and needs

Just think of times when you have been treated in a heavy-handed, pressured way and promise to never do the same to others. Consider adopting the style of "the light touch" and bless others with your unconditional caring.

I've been thinking about listening...

Cultivating the ART of Listening

I've noticed that as I cultivate the art of listening, the people around me are visibly uplifted, encouraged and strengthened. I relax into the phrase "the art of listening" because there I find freedom to grow in my skill of "hearing with thoughtful intention" just like many other skills I am personally cultivating.

When I think about why I want to listen, I realize that I am motivated by my desire to honor others above myself. The less self-absorbed I become, the more I desire to cultivate the "art of listening" to reflect the change of perspective that Jesus Christ continues to patiently bring into my life.

When I need a practical outworking of what is at the heart of the art of listening, I turn to these thoughts a friend shared with me:

To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that those who are listened to enjoy wonderful benefits you intentionally provide. In your presence they feel accepted, they take their own words more seriously and they enjoy the freedom to discover their true selves.

Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become your friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully and even dare to be silent with you.

What a joy it is to value others by listening! I get motivated each time I am reminded of just how important listening is to God. He loves it when His sons and daughters feel honored and they are honored when I faithfully cultivate the art of listening!